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May. 28th, 2010

toes

next steps


Well...another no. This is old.

We took a month off and used the money to go on vacation. It wasn't as relaxing as we had hoped (long story) but we weren't temping or peeing or getting blood drawn or counting anything so at least there was that. And we did enjoy our first massages ever. And I got my first tattoo. It is an African symbol that means "Love always finds its way home," and I got it to always remember the baby we lost. I'm still hopeful that that little soul is out there in the universe and will come back to use when it is ready.

We are also taking this cycle off. It wasn't really planned that way but is how the timing worked out. This morning I went to take a class in how to do injections. We are going to start an injectible IUI cycle next month. This, of course, poses higher risk of hyperstimulation and multiple births. But we are going to take things one step at a time. I have good feelings about this. Lots of eggs mean lots of targets.

Apr. 2nd, 2010

toes

going for an egg hunt on Easter


We had an ultrasound and a consult with the doc this morning. She says it looks like we might have three eggs this month! So we go in Sunday morning for what will hopefully be our go ahead ultrasound for the hcg shot. I know I say it every cycle but it sure would be great to have a baby this time!

After the exam we sat with the doctor to talk about what we've tried and where we want to go from here. She said she is willing to go one more Clomid cycle with us and then she thinks we've maxed out any benefits from it. But if all three eggs pop this month, it will be the first time we've had more than one on Clomid. This is egg-citing! *groan*

I do know that if it doesn't work this month, we will take next month off. We are finally going to go on vacation for a few days. It is a must. It has been far too long and we need some time to stare at water fowl. (It sounds like a joke but it seems like every vacation we take we end up sitting by some water watching the birds swim around.) We need some quiet time with nothing scheduled, no counting, no shots, no pills, and some wine! But I'm willing to take nothing scheduled, no counting, no shots, no pills, and a pregnant wife.

Please send good vibes (does anyone read this blog?) for more than one egg so we have a few extra targets for the swimmers.

Mar. 27th, 2010

toes

one more Clomid cycle


I think this will be our last try with Clomid before moving to injectibles. The doc reassured us as our last visit that there is nothing physically wrong and no reason why it can't work this time. So today is CD6. A baby would be a great Christmas gift, no?

Mar. 20th, 2010

toes

negative


We got up early to drive in for the blood test. No CD1 yet so still some hope. But the test came back negative. Damn it. Aren't these blogs supposed to end up with happy endings for people?

My wife tends to withdraw a bit for the first several days after the negative or when her period starts. It is hard on both of us. She worked today and after work headed to spend some time with a friend. I suspect she will spend a few healing hours there today.

I got the info mid-way through a six mile run. I'm training for my next half marathon. I had a hard time finishing and just wanted to quit. But I kept telling myself that I can't give up on everything and all goals in my life because this isn't working out.

Our doctor basically told us that you hit diminishing returns after three cycles on clomid. But I have no idea how much injectibles will cost or if my wife is even interested. What is the difference in terms of cost, office visits, etc. I know our chances of success go up, right?

I try really hard to support her during these time and do everything I can to take care of her and leave her with little else to worry about. But sometimes I feel alone and want someone to take care of me for a change. I don't feel like I can tell her that. And I don't really want to. I know it is harder on her because it is her body. I just wish I could know when this is going to work.

Mar. 13th, 2010

toes

7 DPO...again


Sometimes I feel like this is what we do. We're just in a pattern where we plan a month ahead of time to return to the doctor next month to do the same exact thing. Over and over.

This may be our last month on Clomid. If this doesn't work, the doctor suggested going to injectables. I don't know for sure how much this would cost but I know it would be expensive.

I'm so frustrated!

Feb. 15th, 2010

toes

12 DPO


There don't seem to be any symptoms happening. Although I know that it is still possible to be pregnant, it feels bad. Some sore bbs would be nice about now. This roller-coaster is exhausting.

Feb. 10th, 2010

toes

our latest TWW - 7 DPO


So this cycle we've had an ultrasound on day 3, a round of Clomid, an hcg shot, an IUI, and follow up blood work to be sure she ovulated when it was time. So far everything looks on track.

I'm feeling really hopeful this time. It's dangerous. But we would find out we were pregnant around my wife's birthday and the baby would be due around my birthday.

We switched donors again. We have gone with a whole new bank and a donor we have never used before. I keep looking at his baby picture and trying to meld it with my wife's baby picture. All I know is that we will certainly have one crazy curly-headed baby! I can't wait!

Today is the end of the first week of the two week wait. Our doc is not a fan of HPTs since she says she has seen so many false results. We have a blood pregnancy test scheduled for 14 DPO.

Sep. 30th, 2009

toes

How long has this been going on?


Okay so we switched doctors. New doc, new procedure (iui in office), trigger shot, back to our very first donor (don't ask). One vial. We are now only 5DPO but my wife texted me that she had a really hard time at the gym because she felt so tired. Probably too early for implantation to have occurred but naturally every little thing is fodder for daydreams and hope. I'm letting myself have it. I would like to get past the few few chapters in the pregnancy books please!

Aug. 5th, 2009

toes

I'm out of ways to say it

No again. We're making an appointment with the doctor now. I'm not sure what to do with my life if this doesn't work.

Jun. 30th, 2009

toes

another no


Enough said.

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